Big Denny wants to be America's Top Model (humor)

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.

SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE BIG DENNY HASTERT WENT BEFORE THE HOUSE ETHICS COMMITTEE TO TRY OUT HIS "I KNOW NOTHING" ROUTING REGARDING THE MARK FOLEY/PAGEGATE SCANDAL.

WHETHER OR NOT HE'S ABLE TO FOOL THE COMMITTEE, THE REALITY IS THE MOST INTERESTING NEWS ABOUT BIG DENNY'S TESTIMONY TO THE HOUSE ETHICS COMMITTEE TODAY IS THIS: "SHORTLY BEFORE THE SPEAKER APPEARED, HIS SECURITY DETAIL ARRIVED AND WENT INSIDE THE ETHICS COMMITTEE ROOM, WHERE TESTIMONY IS TAKEN IN SECRET SESSIONS. HASTERT THEN ARRIVED WITH HIS ATTORNEY, J. RANDOLPH EVANS OF ATLANTA."

WHEN ASKED BY THESE REPORTERS ASKED VARIOUS MEMBERS OF CONGRESS "WHAT THE F**K WAS UP WITH THAT?" ALL BUT ONE DECLINED TO GO ON THE RECORD.

REPUBLICAN BOB NEY, OF ALL PEOPLE, AGREED PROVIDED WE NOT REVISIT "FELON IN THE CONGRESS." HIS GROUND RULES WERE THAT THE TERM "FELON IN THE CONGRESS" NOT APPEAR IN OUR REPORT. WHEN THESE REPORTERS INFORMED WE DID NOT AGREE TO THE GROUND RULES, HE RELENTED.

"IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE I WON'T EVEN BE BILLED AS 'CONGRESSMAN' ANYMORE," NEY SAID WIPING THE SWEAT FROM HIS FOREHEAD. "LET ME GRAB ALL THE PRESS I CAN NOW."

DISGRACED CONGRESSMAN NEY TOLD US, "BIG DENNY'S ALWAYS HAD A DIVA STREAK. HE'S TRIED FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS TO GET ON TYRA BANK'S AMERICA'S TOP MODEL. TRAVELING WITH THE MAKE UP GALS AND HANGER ONS THAT MAKE UP HIS POSSE MAKE HIM FEEL PRETTY."

WE THANKED CONVICTED FELON AND CONGRESSMAN BOB NEY FOR HIS TIME AND ASKED HIM IF HE INTENDED TO CONTINUE TO SERVE IN CONGRESS UP TO THE MOMENT HE'S HANDCUFFED AND LED OFF TO PRISON?

"HELL YEAH!" WHOOPED THE SOON TO BE IMPRISONED NEY. "I'M GOING TO RIDE THIS GRAVY TRAIN 'TILL THE WHEELS FALL OFF!"



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