Friday, July 21, 2006

A Bully Boy Press and Cedric's Big Mix Exclusive! (Humor)

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIG MIX - TAMPA & KNOXVILLE

THIS JUST IN!

VOTE G.O.P. OR THE TERRORIST . . . MIGHT DO . . . SOMETHING!

MUST CREDIT BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIG MIX!

VICE PRESIDENT, YOU GOTTA GET THE "VICE" IN THERE, DICK CHENEY TOLD AN AUDIENCE TODAY, "THIS CONFLICT IS A LONG WAY FROM OVER. IT'S GOING TO BE A BATTLE THAT WILL LAST FOR A VERY LONG TIME."


SADLY, HE WASN'T SPEAKING ABOUT THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE THOUGH HIS BELLY CONTINUES TO HANG OVER HIS BELT SO PROMINENTLY THAT IT COULD BE TURNED INTO A CAR PORT.

WHAT WAS HE TALKING OF?

NO ONE IS REALLY SURE.

HE MIGHT BE SPEAKING OF THE ARMED AGGRESSION OF ISRAEL BUT, IF SO, THE U.S. HAS OFFICIALLY SAT THAT BATTLE OUT.

ORIGINAL GANSTA CHENEY THEN STATED, "IT IS VITAL THAT WE KEEP ISSUES OF NATIONAL SECURITY AT THE TOP OF THE AGENDA" WHICH SHOULD HAVE LED TO HECKLES OF "WHAT ABOUT 9-11!"

BUT HE WAS SPEAKING TO A REPUBLICAN AUDIENCE, AT A REPUBLICAN FUNDRAISER IN TAMPA SO, MAINLY, PEOPLE JUST SCRATCHED THEIR HEADS AND ONE WOMAN WAS OVERHEARD TO SAY, "DICK CHENEY HAS A FAT ASS."

HOMELAND SECURITY QUICKLY ESCORTED HER OUT OF THE BUILDING AND SOMEONE, NOT CONNECTED TO DICK CHENEY WE ARE SURE, ANNOUNCED THAT THE WOMAN'S HUSBAND WAS SECRETLY "GARMENT INSPECTOR NUMBER 9" WHOSE WORK IS WIDELY KNOWN BUT WHO HAS NEVER BEEN PUBLICLY IDENTIFIED PREVIOUSLY.

SOMEONE WHO LOOKED LIKE CHENEY, BUT TONY SNOW INSISTS WAS NOT CHENEY, STATED TO THE AUDIENCE THAT GARMET INSPECTOR NUMBER 9'S REAL NAME WAS "VICTOR BANE."

REACHED AT HIS TAMPA HOME, MR. BANE WONDERED WHERE HIS WIFE WAS AND ADMITTED THAT, DUE TO THE OUTING, HE WOULD NO LONGER BE ABLE TO CONTINUE HIS WORK AS GARMENT INSPECTOR NUMBER 9.

DICK CHENEY WAS HEARD TO CHUCKLE AND DECLARE, "ALL IN A DAY'S WORK. WHO NEEDS F**KING KARL ROVE? YOU FEEL ME? YOU FEEL ME?"

WHILE CHENEY WAS CHUCKELING, HIS PARTY WAS DEALT A BLOW IN TENNESSEE WHERE G.O.P. CANDIDATE FOR GOVERNOR MARK ALBERTINI, SOON TO BE KNOWN AS MARK MARTINI, WAS ARRESTED, FOLLOWING A FUNDRAISER, FOR PUBLIC INTOXIFICATION.

IN HIS CAR, POLICE REPORTEDLY FOUND A BOTTLE OF WINE AND A GUN.

"STUPID F**KING FOOL!" SNARLED VICE DICK, "DOESN'T HE KNOW YOU ONLY GET DRUNK BEFORE YOU GO HUNTING! STUPID F**KING, P**CK A** G***AMN S**T F**KER!"

NOTING A FAMILY OF THREE STARING AT HIM IN SHOCK, DICK CHENEY THREW BACK HIS HEAD, RUBBED HIS PORTLY BELLY AND LAUGHED, "GOD BLESS HIM. GOD BLESS US ALL."

Recommended: "Iraq snapshot"
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"Other Items"
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"All over the place "
"Tired (and tired of the not-so-brave) "
"THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY DISCOVERS RACISM! NEXT UP: GRAVITY! "
"Summer's here and the time is right for . . . sweating in the heat "

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