Friday, September 15, 2006

The end of a love affair (humor)

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.THIS JUST IN!

D.C. LOVE GOES SOUR!

ON A MUSICAL NOTE!

IT STARTED OUT SO WONDERFUL TODAY. BULLY BOY HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE AND, BECAUSE HE REMEMBERED TO ZIP HIS FLY, HE KNEW THE PRESS WOULD HAIL HIM AS A GENIUS.

BUT THE PATH OF LOVE IS ALWAYS ROCKY.

IT STARTED OFF WITH SO MUCH PROMISE. AT ONE POINT, BULLY BOY INTERRUPTED HIS TRAIN OF THOUGHT TO ANNOUNCE HIS LOVE: "DAVE? HE'S BACK!"

THE BEAUTY WAS DAVE STRETCH GREGORY.

BULLY BOY COULDN'T HELP BRAGGING ON HIS SPECIAL LOVE, "I MUST SAY, HAVING GONE THROUGH THOSE GYRATIONS, YOU'RE LOOKING BEAUTIFUL TODAY, DAVE."

BUT THEN TEMPERS FLARED AND BULLY BOY TRIED TO SILENCE HIS BOYFRIEND WITH A CRY OF "NEXT MAN!"

BUT STRETCH WASN'T HAVING ANY OF THAT.

DAVID GREGORY WAS ALL, "WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?"

AND BULLY BOY WAS BUSTING MOVES, SHAKING HIS HIPS, POINTING AT DAVE AND ALL, "DO YOU KNOW I MADE HIM LEAVE? DO YOU KNOW HE BEGGED TO STAY WITH ME? HE WASN'T MAN ENOUGH FOR ME?"

DAVE KEPT PROVING THAT HE DID BEG TO STAY BY REPEATEDLY BEGGING THE BULLY BOY IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

BULLY BOY JUST KEPT SAYING "NEXT MAN" AND "DAVID, NEXT MAN PLEASE. THANK YOU."

AS TEMPERS FLARED, BULLY BOY STOPPED HIS FINGERS AND SAID, "GIRL, YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE THE GAME."

DISSED AND DISMISSED, IN SONG NO LESS, BY THE BULLY BOY. AFTER BEING CALLED "BEAUTIFUL". IT'S A HEARTACHE, STRETCH, NOTHING BUT A HEARTACHE.


Recommended: "Iraq snapshot"
"And the war drags on"
"NYT: Paragraph nine tells you that five US troops died -- they bury it"
"flashpoints and more"
"Ann Richards"
"Bouncing all over the place"
"The joint-posts"
"THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY'S WET NURSE LETS HIM DOWN!"

Thursday, September 14, 2006

The joint-posts

"Iraq snapshot" (The Common Ills)
Thursday, September 14, 2006. The chaos and violence continues in Iraq, William Caldwell gets lost in his own spin while Harry Reid comes out swinging, two US soldiers are dead, actions on the part of
Suzanne Swift result in some US Congressional support, Camp Democracy continues in DC, and 110 Australian soldiers return to Iraq from Australia.
William Caldwell IV, the liveliest Gabor in the Green Zone, explained the mounting corpses (about 100 in the last two days) discovered in the capital as "
murder-executions" -- as opposed to "group hugs"? Somebody ask Willie to adjust the bra strap before the commercial break's over. Not content with being the giddiest Gabor in the Green Zone, Caldwell also told reporters today that another major terrorist had been captured. CNN reports that the Ethel Mertz of the occupation won't identify the captured but will give lots of non-specific details and, apparently, whine that Fred won't ever take her out anywhere! The non-specific details will allow gas bags to fill in their own details and a non-story to eat hours and hours of psuedo-commentary and it certainly minimizes the tragic reality that two more American troops lost their lives.
CBS and AP report: "Two U.S. soldiers died Thursday in and around Baghdad, the U.S. Command said. The first soldier died from wounds in the early morning hours after his unit came under attack by small arms. The second was killed after his vehicle was struck by a roadside bomb south of Baghdad." AFP notes that the two deaths follow the Wednesday death of a US soldier as a result of "enemy fire" and CNN notes: "He was attached to the 25th Combat Aviation Brigade, 25th Infantry Division."
If it seems like Willie Gabor isn't aware of the body count, the
AFP's reporting demonstrates US Senator Harry Reid is: "We have to change course in Iraq, we are approaching 2,700 dead American men and women, more than 20,000 wounded, a third of them greviously wounded, missing arms, and legs, and eyes, paralysis, brain damage. The cost is three billion a week. If Iraq is not in a civil war, I don't know what a civil war is, 100 killed yesterday, 100 killed the day before."
Today?
Bombings?
The
Associated Press reports two car bombs in Baghdad that resulted in at least ten deaths and thirty wounded. CBS and AP note the second blast, outside the passport office, "created a large crater in the street in front of the office, destroyed at least three cars, scattered debris and knocked down the walls of a neibhoring house".
KUNA notes four wounded as a result of a bomb in Mosul. Reuters notes a "sucicide bomber" in Tal Afar has left one police officer dead and two civilians wounded; a roadside bomb in Falluja has left five civilians dead and 15 more wounded; and that "[a] bomb struck a U.S. military vehicle in Ur district, northern Baghdad, as the coalition forces were starting a serach operation. Witnesses at the scene said smoke was rising from the area. The U.S. military said it was unaware of the incident."
Shootings?
The
BBC reports that a police officer "was shot dead on his way to work in Baghdad."
CNN identifies him as Col. Muthana Ali Hussein. Reuters notes that that a family of six ("including a three-month-old boy") "were shot dead in their home" in Baghdad.
CBS and AP note that two police officers were shot dead in a drive-by in Baquba while three people were shot dead in Ghazaniya. KUNA reports that a police officer was wounded in Kirkuk after being shot by "unidentified armed men". Reuters notes the death of a city council member (Abdulla Khalaf) and his son in Daquq; and "a police lieutenant--colonel" in Mosul.
Corpses?
CNN reports that 20 corpses were discovered in Baghdad ("most with signs of torture").
That's 53 that were reported dead so far today. (Includes the 20 corpses and the two U.S. soldiers.)
In peace news,
Haveeru Daily reports that war resister Mark Wilkerson, "[n]early two weeks after he turned himself in to his unit at Fort Hood in Texas, the baby-faced 22-year-old soldier is still awaiting word on his punishment." Wilkerson returned from Iraq and attempted to receive conscientious objector status only to be denied and told he was redeploying to Iraq. Wilkerson then self-checked out and was AWOL for a year-and-a-half. Writing of Wilkerson's August 31st announcement that he was turning himself in, Aaron Glant (IPS) noted: "Observers say these developments are reminiscent of the Vietnam War, when the refusal to fight by hundreds of thousands of soldiers was a major force toward U.S. withdrawal. According to journalist and Vietnam War resister Peter Laufer, 170,000 U.S. soldiers filed for conscientious objector status during the Vietnam War. Between 50,000 and 60,000 fled to Canada. Others deliberately injured themselves or simply went AWOL." That topic is explored in depth in the documentary Sir! No Sir!, directed by David Zeiger. Wilkerson himself noted the historical connections writing, before his press conference at Camp Casey III, that "I am joining a long history of war resistors, many of whom have died for their beliefs and I know tomorrow they will be looking down on me and war resistors who are alive hopefully will respect what I have to say and I hope that with as big a stage as I am going to have tomorrow that I can make people proud of my message and that I can say everything I truly want to say."
At
his own web site, Mark Wilkerson reports his first week at Fort Hood "was a good week. . . . I've spent a lot of time speaking with fellow soldiers about how their experiences were in Iraq. And while some had better experiences than others, they all expressed how lucky they were to make it back to the U.S. alive. And some have expressed their anxiety about having to return to Iraq for possibly the third time -- Imagine -- Three year-long deployments to Iraq in 5 years! For anyone reading this, let that sink in for a moment."
In news of war resister
Suzanne Swift, actions on her behalf (a sit-in, phone calls, e-mails and faxes) have resulted in US Rep. Peter DaFazio of Oregon to promise "that he will be initiating a congressional investigation into" her case. Swift self-checked out of the Army after returning from a tour in Iraq where she has reported she was sexually assaulted. Supporters are calling for an honorable discharge of Swift.
In Washington, DC,
Camp Democracy continues, free and open to the public. Today's events includes participation from the Green Party: Joyce Robinson-Paul, Steve Shafarman and Bob Firtakis. Greens are due to speak "between 4:15 and 5:30 p.m." and will address topics including the 2004 election. This evening, Danny Schechter scheduled to be among the participants with a screening of his documentary WMD: Weapons of Mass Deceptions. Friday's topics include election reform, Saturday's peace with Pat Elder, Nadine Bloch, Kevin Zeese and others participating. And on Sunday, Camp Democracy will host a number of events and the theme will be Impeachment Day. Among those participating: Elizabeth Holtzman, Michael Avery, Ray McGovern, David Green, John Nichols, Marcus Raskin, Elizabeth De La Vega, Dave Lindorff, David Swanson, Jennifer Van Bergen, Geoff King, David Waldman, Dan DeWalt, Steve Cobble, Anthony St. Martin, Cindy Bogard, Mubarak Awad, Susan Crane, Frank Anderson. The camp has daily activities and admission is free. A complete schedule can be found here. Free and open to the public with daily activites.
In Australia, Security Detachment IX returned from Baghdad. One member didn't return, Jake Kovco who died in Baghdad on April 21st.
Edmund Tadros (Sydney Morning Herald) reports that Jake Kovco's widow Shelley Kovco was there to greet those returning. Belinda Tasker (NewsCom) reports that Shelley Kovco "finally had the chance to speak to one of the men who was with him [Jake Kovco] when he died" -- Ray Johnson who has previously been identified as "Soldier 17." Dan Box (The Australian) reports: "With the unit's return, however, restrictions imposed by the inquiry on reporting the names of soldiers have been lifted. Although not legally binding, these restrictions were imposed for operational safety and have been followed by The Australian." While the second half of the last sentence is correct (The Australian and most others have readily followed the restrictions), the first half? That's the claim by the government, not established fact. Noting that "One of the cornerstones of our justice system is transparency," Anthony McClellan went on to point out (in The Australian, one week ago today): "When the inquiry began, it was set in a small room that could not accommodate all the media who wanted to be there. On occasions such as this, the media are the public representatives. We have a right to know what happened, and why. Was making it harder for the media to report a deliberate decision or an example of military contempt for civilians being privy to this tragedy? Or was it plain incompetence? Whatever the reason, it neatly encapsulates the past five months. The larger issue is the suppression of the identities of many of the key soldiers connected with Kovco's death. We read about them as Soldier 14, Soldier 17 and Soldier 47. Why? If this set of events had occurred in a civilian setting, they would certainly be named. But no, the names are kept from us because the soldiers are serving in Iraq. It was interesting to see defence chief Air Chief Marshall Angus Houston and Defence Minister Brendan Nelson squirming in public this week when asked why the names were being kept secret."
"
Soldier 19" is now identified as Rob Shore. "Soldier 14"? Belinda Tasker notes that he is Steve Carr. Box notes Carr is "a person of interest" to the inquiry into Jake Kovco's death due to his DNA being "found on the barrel of Kovco's pistol". The Herald-Sun notes: "The Kovco inquiry, at Sydney's Victoria Barracks, resumes on Monday for closing submissions. Ms. Kovco is to make a statement to the inquiry on Tuesday."

Mike passed on that he'd gotten a questions about all the joints posts I've been doing with Wally lately. Well, thank you, to Wally. That needs to be said first. What's happened is this is a really big time. My church has been involved in a lot of activities and we always are. However, we're helping out a neighboring church. A woman said, in February, she wanted to help with voter registration and information with the intent of making sure everyone knew what was going on locally, state wide and nationally. She thought she would have time for it but things always come up and she sent out a request for help. We've been doing a lot of visiting to make sure that their congregation is registered and knows where to vote. Three Cool Old Guys love doing this. I usually swing by the nursing center most evenings, pick them up, and we go around.

I'm still doing that and so is my church but we can cut back now because we've made sure everyone who wants to be registered to vote is and knows where the polling station is in their area. We have some literature from various campaigns (mainly local) and we offer it for any of the candidates. No one's taking the Republican literature which isn't a surprise since the church is mainly African-American. I sometimes wonder if the "Black Republicans" exist only on TV.
Last week, we went to a nursing home and Three Cool Old Guys loved that, comparing notes and seeing what the competition had to offer.

You may see joint-posts mid-October through the election because I'm signed up for a lot of turn out the vote activities, both through my church and a local organization.

Again, I owe a big thank you to Wally for inviting me to tag along on his posts. How it works is that Wally calls and we toss out ideas on news we've seen online. Wally generally likes to grab something fresher than what was in that morning's paper. It also needs to lend itself to humor.
So we'll toss around some ideas and then pick from there. After that, we rough out some stuff and then depending upon who has time, Wally or I will call C.I. to run it by. Since he started Bully Boy Press, Wally's a stickler for running it by C.I. when possible. Not in a "Do you agree?" manner. But more of a, "Does this play funny?" This week, C.I. thought of Barbara Howar as a substitute for Mary Hart and I wouldn't have thought of that but I got it as soon as Wally said "Barbara Hower." Other times it will be something like, "That sentence is funny but the joke might be funnier at the end."

C.I. asked me to please note that Wally on his own or Wally and I are "perfectly capable" of being funny on our own. Wally just likes to have a test audience.

Wally could do the posts on his own. I do contribute when we work together but he could very well come up with a post all on his own. He's helping me out by inviting me to joint post. I really appreciate that because this site would be dead otherwise. I would grab Thursdays because Elaine has a group she does and can't blog on Thursdays. But otherwise, I've booked up my time pretty solid.

Is it fun? It's a lot of fun. Wally's got a good sense of humor and if I was trying to do this by myself, I'd be lost, even if I had the time. So let me repeat, "Thank you."

So hopefully that clears up any confusion. Be sure to check out Wally's "THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY'S WET NURSE LETS HIM DOWN!"

Three Cool Old Guys are writing about the things we've been doing for voting in tomorrow's column in the gina & krista round-robin so be sure to look for that.











Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Tore up from the floor up Novak says "Bring It!" (humor)

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.

THIS JUST IN!

FRESH FROM LAST WEEK'S CATFIGHT, ROBERT NOVAK SAYS 'BRING IT!'

TORE UP FROM THE FLOOR UP ROBERT NOVAK IS STILL MENDING BRUISES FROM LAST WEEK'S CAT FIGHT WITH THE CORPORATE WORLD MUSE AND SOMETIME NEW YORK TIMES CONTRIBUTOR THOMAS FRIEDMAN.

AS MOST MAY KNOW, FRIEDMAN FELT NOVAK WAS TREADING ON HIS OWN DESIRES TO DRESS UP AS MARILYN MONROE WHEN NOVAK SHOWED UP AT THE HOME OF THOMAS AND BETINNA FRIEDMAN WEARING A BLONDE WIG AND BLUE EVENING DRESS ("STRAPLESS, THAT HUGGED HIM TOO TIGHTLY AROUND THE CHEST AND SEEMED TO RIDE UP INTO HIS ARM PITS WHICH PROBABLY EXPLAINED THE STAINS").

FRIEDMAN IMMEDIATELY LEPT TO THE CONCLUSION THAT ROBERT NOVAK WAS ATTEMPTING TO BE A "YOUNG MARILYN" MONROE.

IN FACT TORE UP FROM THE FLOOR UP NOVAK JUST WANTED TO WALK A MILE IN VALERIE PLAME'S HEELS AND FEEL WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE LOVED AND BEAUTIFUL.

THE CAT FIGHT BETWEEN FRIEDMAN AND NOVAK RESULTED IN MULTIPLE BRUISES FOR NOVAK AND 3 LOST TEETH AS WELL AS ONE NASTY SCRATCH ON FRIEDMAN'S RIGHT, FRONT HOOF.

FRESH FROM THAT CAT FIGHT, NOVAK'S SPOILING FOR ANOTHER AND SNARLING 'BRING IT!' TO RICHIE ARMITAGE, THE NEW BARBARA HOWAR OF THE D.C. SET.


PUTTING HIS WORDS WHERE THE FISH GETS WRAPPED, NOVAK HAS WRITTEN: "FIRST, ARMITAGE DID NOT, AS HE NOW INDICATES, MERELY PASS ON SOMETHING HE HAD HEARD AND THAT HE 'THOUGHT' MIGHT BE SO. RATHER, HE IDENTIFIED TO ME THE CIA DIVISION WHERE MRS. WILSON WORKED, AND SAID FLATLY THAT SHE RECOMMENDED THE MISSION TO NIGER BY HER HUSBAND, FORMER AMB. JOSEPH WILSON. SECOND, ARMITAGE DID NOT SLIP ME THIS INFORMATION AS IDLE CHITCHAT, AS HE NOW SUGGESTS. HE MADE CLEAR HE CONSIDERED IT ESPECIALLY SUITED FOR MY COLUMN."

ARMITAGE ALLEGEDLY RESPONDED, "HOW DARE HE ACCUSE ME OF NON-CHITCHAT. I'M THE CHITCHATTER OF D.C. I STOP IN AT BEAUTY PARLORS JUST TO HONE MY SKILLS. I'VE CHIT-CHATTED WITH THE BEST, I'VE CHITCHATTED WITH THE WORST. AND LET ME JUST SAY THAT ROBERT NOVAK IS NO RONA BARRETT!"

WITH THAT, ARMITAGE EXCUSED HIMSELF NOTING THAT HE WAS RUSHING OFF TO GO JUMP INTO THE SUPREME COURT FOUNTAIN.

WHEN GIVEN THE CHANCE FOR A REBUTAL, NOVAK SAID, "RICHIE IS ONE CRAZY B**CH."





Recommended: "Iraq snapshot"
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"THIS JUST IN! ALBERTO GONZALES DOESN'T THINK CHRISTMAS IS SO HOT!"

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Alberto Gonzales' big night (humor)

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.

THIS JUST IN!

ALBERTO GONZALES DOESN'T THINK CHRISTMAS IS SO HOT!

AND HE'S NOT TOO CRAZY ABOUT JULY 4TH EITHER!

SPEAKING TO THE GLITTERATI AT THE 54TH ANNUAL ATTORNEY GENERAL'S AWARDS CEREMONY, INTERNATIONAL BILLIE JEAN KING LOOK-A-LIKE AND ATTORNEY GENERAL SUCKED UP HARD FOR THIS YEAR'S J. EDGAR HOOVER MEMORIAL AWARD BY OPENING WITH, "THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE EVENTS OF THE YEAR." TAKE THAT CHRISTMAS AND JULY 4TH!

WEARING A SILK BLUE VERA WANG WRAP, OLIVE PARKA HIKING BOOTS AND A WRIST CORSAGE, GONZALES WAS KISSING MAJOR ATTORNEY BUTT AFTER HIS MYSTERIOUS SHUT OUT IN THE CATEGORY OF MOST VILE CREATURE IN LAW (INSIDERS SWEAR RICHARD POSNER IS A LOCK IN THIS CATEGORY).

DABBING A TEAR FROM HIS EYE (EMCEE ANTON SCALIA HISSED IT WAS A CROCODILE TEAR INTENDED TO GARNER SYMPATHY), GONZALES DECLARED, "SOMETIMES OUR JOBS REQUIRE US TO SPEND MORE WAKING HOURS WITH OUR PROFESSIONAL FAMILIES THAN OUR ACTUAL FAMILIES, AT HOME" BEFORE ADDING, "FORTUNATELY ILLEGAL, WARRANTLESS WIRETAPPING ALLOWS US TO KEEP A CLOSE WATCH ON OUR FAMILIES THE SAME WAY IT ALLOWS US TO SPY ON OTHER AMERICANS."

THE REMARK WAS GREETED WITH ONLY MODERATE LAUGHTER AND IT WAS, LOUDLY, NOTED THAT WHEN GONZALES TURNED TO LEAVE THE STAGE, THE BACK OF HIS WRAP WAS TUCKED INTO HIS PANTY HOSE.

THOUGH HE ARRIVED STAG, GONZALES INSISTED THAT RICHARD NIXON WAS HIS DATE FOR THE EVENING "IN SPIRIT."


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Monday, September 11, 2006

Cheney gets jizzy or izzy or somethun (humor)

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.

THIS JUST IN!

CHENEY BUSTS A RHYME OR SOMETHUN'!

ORIGINAL GANGSTA DICK CHENEY, THE ORIGINAL OL' DIRTY BASTARD, CAME OUT SWINGING SUNDAY STATING THAT WAR CRITICS (OVER 63% OF THE AMERICAN ADULT POPULATION ACCORDING TO RECENT POLLS) WERE ENCOURAGING TERRORISM. SAID THE KRB/HALLIBURTON BLING-BLING MASTER, "SUGGESTIONS, FOR EXAMPLE, THAT WE SHOULD WITHDRAW U.S. FORCES FROM IRAQ SIMPLY FEED INTO THAT WHOLE NOTION, VALIDATES THE STRATEGY OF THE TERRORISTS."

SAID A FORMER WHITE HOUSE EMPLOYEE WHO STILL LURKS, AND SWEARS HE'S NOT SCOTTY MCCLELLAN, OF DA DICKSTER DUMPSTER DIVING REMARKS, "WHEN YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING, YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE." WHEN TOLD HE WAS QUOTING BOB DYLAN, THE FORMER INSIDER SWORE THAT WAS NOT THE CASE AND BEGGED THAT THESE REPORTERS FIND A TOBY KEITH LYRIC TO SUBSTITUTE INSTEAD.

NO SOONER DID THE FORMER INSIDER BEGIN SWEATING THAN DA DICKSTER AND HIS DICK POSSE SWUNG BY.

"YEAH, I SAID IT, WHAT YOU GONNA F**KING DO ABOUT IT?" CHALLENGED DA DICKSTER AS HE ATTEMPTED TO THROW GANG SIGNS BUT ENDED UP LOOKING LIKE A DRUNKEN CROSSING GUARD. "I'LL SAY IT AGAIN. WORD TO YOUR MAMMA!"

WHEN THE SUBJECT WAS CHANGED TO THE ISSUE OF HIS POSSE, DER DICKSTER GRABBED HIS CROTCH AND EXCLAIMED, "THEY ALL UP IN MY JOCK! AT LEAST I AIN'T ROLLING WITH NO 'FART POSSE' WHICH IS WHAT OL' BULLY BOY GOT GOING ON. WORD."

WHEN THESE REPORTERS ASKED HIM OF STATEMENTS THAT THE AL-ANBAR PROVINCE IN IRAQ WAS PROBABLY LOST, DER DICKSTER BEGAN A LENGTHY SHOUT OUT TO HIS 'PROPERS' (WE BELIEVE ADOLF HITLER GOT NAMED CHECKED SOMEWHERE BETWEEN AUGSTO PINOCHET AND P.W. BOTHA) UNTIL HE GOT SO WORKED UP THAT THE DICK POSSE HAD TO PUT DA DICKSTER ON A GURNEY AND GIVE HIM WHAT WAS CALLED "A JUICE UP."

RISING OFF THE GURNEY, CHENEY SWORE HE WAS HE WAS CLASSIC '67 FORD MUSTANG AND NOT A GREMLIN OR PINTO HEADED FOR THE JUNKYARD CAUSING SHOUTS OF "WORD!" FROM HIS POSSE.

HE THEN ADDRESSED THE CLAIMS THAT AL-ANBAR WAS LOST.

"ANYONE WHO BE LAYING DOWN THAT LINE IS LIKE A TOTAL COMMIE, MOTHER F**KING, TERRORIST! YOU FEEL ME? YOU FEEL ME?" HE ASKED HAND EXTENDED IN SOME SORT OF LOW-FIVE EXPECTATION.

WHEN TOLD THE ONE MAKING THE STATEMENTS THAT AL ANBAR WAS PROBABLY LOST WAS MARINE COL. PETE DEVLIN, DA DICKSTER BEGAN TO SOB.

"WHO'S GONNA LOVE MY ASS?" HE SOBBED. "SERIOUSLY, WHO'S GOING SHOW THE DICK MAN JUST A LITTLE LOVING?"

A SOMBER POSSE THEN LED HIM AWAY.





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