BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.
AS NEWS LEAKED OUT THE BULLY BOY ADMINISTRATION WAS ATTEMPTING TO SET DEADLINES FOR IRAQ, THE WHITE HOUSE BEGAN ISSUING DENIALS.
WHEN THAT DIDN'T FLY, THE WHITE HOUSE BEGAN ARGUING THAT THEY WERE SETTING "MILESTONES" NOT "DEADLINES."
IN AN ATTEMPT TO STEM THE LOSS OF LIVES IN IRAQ (2800 U.S. TROOPS KILLED, OVER 655,000 IRAQIS KILLED) AND TO SALVAGE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, THESE REPORTERS MET WITH CONDI RICE TODAY AT APPROXIMATELY 3:30 PM EST ARMED WITH WEBSTER'S COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY.
MUST CREDIT BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX!
SECRETARY OF STATE RICE GREETED US WARMLY, "THANK GOD! A MEETING. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO PRETEND TO SKIM TODAY'S P.D.B. I HATE THESE THINGS. THEY NEVER HAVE ANYTHING POSITIVE TO SAY AND THEY GO ON SO LONG. CAN'T THE C.I.A. JUST PREPARE A DRAWING WITH A THUMBS UP OR A THUMBS DOWN? THAT WOULD TELL US ALL WE NEED TO KNOW."
SECRETARY RICE THEN LOOKED ALARMED WHEN SHE NOTED WE WERE CARRYING A BOOK.
"NO ONE TOLD ME READING WAS REQUIRED FOR THIS MEETING," SHE SAID NERVOUSLY RISING TO HER FEET.
AFTER WE CALMED HER BY STATING WE WOULD BE READING TO HER, SECRETARY RICE RETURNED TO HER POSITIVE PERSONALITY AND ASKED IF MAYBE THERE WAS TIME TO ASK SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD TO BRING IN SOME MILK AND COOKIES AS WELL AS "MY BLANKETA BECAUSE I LOVE TO TAKE A NAP AFTER I'M READ TO? YOU KNOW HE'S GOT NOTHING ELSE TO DO BUT RUN ERRANDS THESE DAYS. HE'S SHUT OUT OF THE LOOP."
EXPLAINING THAT THE READING WOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG PROMPTED A HEAVY SIGH FROM SECRETARY RICE BUT SHE WAVED HER HAND TO INDICATE WE SHOULD CONTINUE.
"DEADLINE," WE READ, "IS DEFINED AS '(1) A LINE DRAWN WITHIN OR AROUND A PRISON THAT PRISONER PASSES AT THE RISK OF BEING SHOT, (2) A DATE OR TIME BEFORE WHICH SOMETHING MUST BE DONE: SPECIF: THE TIME AFTER WHICH COPY IS NOT ACCEPTED FOR A PARTICULAR ISSUE OF A PUBLICATION'."
"MILESTONE," WE READ, "IS DEFINED AS '(1) A STONE SERVING AS A MILEPOST, (2) A SIGNIFICANT POINT IN DEVELOPMENT'."
"WHAT'S YOUR POINT?" ASKED A NERVOUS RICE. "YOU DIDN'T SAY THERE WOULD BE A VOCABULARY TEST. I COULD HAVE RESCHEDULED YOU FOR NEXT WEEK AND PREPARED."
THESE REPORTERS EXPLAINED THEY WERE JUST QUESTIONING THE ADMINISTRATION'S QUIBBLING OVER THE TERMS "DEADLINES" AND "MILESTONES."
"OH, THAT," CONDI RICE SAID LAUGHING. "OKAY, SURE. I CAN FIELD THAT. SEE A 'MILESTONE' IS SOMETHING YOU SEND OUT INVITATIONS TO. LIKE A WEDDING OR ANNIVERSARY OR THE 1ST TIME A BUSH FAMILY MEMBERS RUNS OVER AND KILLS SOMEONE."
AFTER GASPING FOR BREATH FROM LAUGHING AT HER OWN JOKE, SECRETARY RICE RESUMED SPEAKING, "LEAVE THAT IN, BY THE WAY. I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES FOR THE AMERICAN PEOPLE TO REALIZE IT'S NOT ALL GLOOM & DOOM HERE IN THE WHITE HOUSE. WE LIKE TO LAUGH AS MUCH ANYONE. IN FACT, I'LL CALL MAGGIE [MARGARET SPELLINGS, SECRETARY OF EDUCATION] AND TELL HER TO SHOW YOU GUYS HER WHOOPIE CUSHION COLLECTION ON THE WAY OUT. BUT A 'MILESTONE' IS SIGNIFICANT. A 'DEADLINE,' WELL WE JUST BLOW THOSE OFF. HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED ANYTHING IN THE LAST 6 YEARS OF THIS ADMINISTRATION?"
WHEN ASKED IF SHE WAS JOKING, SECRETARY RICE LOOKED PETURBED, "NO, I'M NOT JOKING. WE BLOW OFF DEADLINES. AM I JOKING? PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO GET MY SENSE OF HUMOR. KIM JONG IL DIDN'T EITHER. WE DON'T 'DO DEALINES' IN THIS ADMINISTRATION AND YOU CAN PRINT THAT. IF I CATCH ANY FLACK, I'LL JUST CLAIM I WAS MISTRANSLATED."
WHEN REMINDED THAT THIS INTERVIEW WAS CONDUCTED IN ENGLISH, A WEARY CONDI RICE ASKED, "WHAT'S YOUR POINT?"
FROM THE TCI WIRE:
In other peace news, war resister Kyle Snyder intends to return to the United States from Canada next month as Courage to Resist reported in an e-mail sent out Friday. In August, Synder explained his decision to self-check out of the US military and go to Canada to Karen Button noting, "You know, if they want to help people in Iraq . . . imagine a 15 year-old kid, for the last . . . years all he's seen is [US] military personnel with weapons going through his city. How is that child supposed to believe that the man, in that uniform is helping him? Now, if that child saw a convoy of logs being brought to his city, or a convory of water being brought to his city, still guarded, it would be a completely different situation. That's where the American military messed up. Because they forgot about the perception of civilisation. They forgot about the perception of the Iraqi people."
Meanwhile, Ehren Watada's father Bob Watada is launching another speaking tour to raise awareness on his son -- the first commissioned officer to publicly refuse to deploy to Iraq. The tour kicks off October 26 in Phoenix, AZ and is set to conclude November 17th in Atlanta, GA. A full schedule can be found at Veterans for Peace.
Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"
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