BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- IOWA.
THE BARACK OBAMA CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT ATTEMPTED A CHARM OFFENSIVE BY SENDING ONE OF THEIR "GURUS" TO SPEAK WITH THESE REPORTERS. UNFORTUNATELY FOR BAMBI, THEY SENT A PROBLEM FROM HELL SAMMY POWER.
SAMMY POWER SHOOK OUT HER BLEACHED HAIR AND DIRECTED US TO "LOOK AT THESE SPLIT ENDS! I AM ON PINS AND NEEDLES WAITING FOR MY BABY BOY TO WIN ON IOWA!"
WE NOTED THAT THE USUAL WAR HAWKS WERE OUT APPLAUDING HER AND WONDERED WHAT SHE THOUGHT OF THE NEW REPUBLIC WRITING ABOUT HER ON DECEMBER 30TH AND 31ST AND MATTHEW YGLESIAS LYING AND SAYING SHE WAS AGAINST THE IRAQ WAR.
"MINI-MATTY'S SO DELICIOUS," SAMMY EXPLAINED CLEANING WHAT WE HOPE WAS NOT A LOADED FIRE ARM, "I COULD POP HIM IN MY MOUTH! HE CAN SAY WHATEVER HE WANTS AS LONG AS HE KEEPS REFERRING TO SENATOR HILLARY CLINTON AS 'BILL CLINTON'S WIFE'. HEH-HEH. MINI-MATTY CAN LIE AS LONG AS HE KEEPS TELLING IT LIKE IT IS."
SAMMY POWER THEN STOPPED CLEANING HER FIREARM AND TOOK OUT A BAGGIE OF WHITE POWDER. AFTER SNORTING IT, SHE SAID, "OH, I'M SORRY. DID YOU WANT SOME? IT'S MADE FROM THE BONES OF DEAD IRAQIS. I LOVE DEAD PEOPLE. THEY GET ME HIGH. THAT'S WHY I STILL DON'T CALL OUT THE IRAQ WAR. THE ONLY TIME I MENTION IT IS WHEN I'M ITCHING IN MY LOINS FOR DARFUR. DID YOU HEAR? A 'DIPLOMAT' DIED THERE. HE WAS WITH U.S. A.I.D. WHICH IS NOTHING BUT A GOVERNMENTAL PROGRAM WE USE TO BULLY PEOPLE. I WONDER IF MY BUDDY SARAH SEWER TOOK HIM OUT TO GET THIS MOTHER F**KING WAR WITH SUDAN STARTED? SHE TOLD ME SHE HADN'T HAD A CLIMAX SINCE NOVEMBER 2004, YOU KNOW, WHEN U.S. FORCES SLAUGHTERED FALLUJA. ME AND SARAH ARE GOING SET THE WORLD ON FIRE, LIKE LAVERNE & SHIRLEY ONLY LESS PRETTY. AND MONTY'S OUR BOO-BOO KITTY. OR THE BIG RAGOO. I'M NOT SURE WHICH. OH! YEAH! I CAN FEEL IT NOW! GOOD BLOW. GOOD BONES. BAMBI IN THE WHITE HOUSE GOING TO GIVE MAMA ALL THE WARS! MAMA LIKES KILLING, KILLING, KILLING, MAMA LIKES KILLING INNOCENTS MUST DIE. MAMA LIKES KILLING, KILLING, KILLING, MAMA LIKES KILING INNOCENTS MUST DIE. HEY, COULD YOU CRACK A WINDOW? THERE'S AN ODOR IN THE ROOM."
SAMMY SNIFFED THE AIR A FEW TIMES AND THEN ASKED, "IS IT ME? HEY, IF YOU TWO WILL PROMISE TO KILL SOME PEOPLE ON THE WAY HOME, I'LL MAKE IT WITH BOTH OF YOU. MY CODENAME IN THE CAMPAIGN IS 'STINK BOMB' -- WANNA KNOW WHY?"
THESE REPORTERS CONTACTED THE BARACK OBAMA CAMPAIGN AND SKETCHED OUT THE BIZARRE BEHAVIOR OF A PROBLEM FROM HELL: SAMMY POWER AND WERE TOLD, "UH . . . WE DON'T KNOW HER! WHO IS SHE? IS SHE OPRAH? NO. SO SHE'S NOT SPEAKING FOR BAMBI. DON'T WRITE ABOUT THIS! WE CAN SEND YOU N.B.A. STAR MANUTE BOL."
THESE REPORTERS EXPLAINED THEIR TIME WAS LIMITED AND DIDN'T HAVE IT TO WASTE ON A NOTHING BASKETBALL PLAYER WHO BOUNCED FROM TEAM TO TEAM AND WAS SO BAD THAT DURING THE 1993-1994 SEASON HE WAS BOUNCED TO THREE DIFFERENT TEAMS AND IN THE 1994-1995 SEASON HE PLAYED FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS BEFORE ENDING HIS NON-STARRING CAREER.
"DON'T DO THAT," WE TOLD THE CAMPAIGN. "DON'T LIE LIKE THAT AND DISGRACE REAL N.B.A. STARS LIKE BARKLEY AND BYRD. YOU CLEARLY HAVE NO SHAME."
FROM THE TCI WIRE:
Starting with war resistance. Little Artie Weinreb (of the right-wing Canada Free Press) blows a gasket over war resisters in a post entitled, "Canada readies to give U.S. deserters refuge." The foam from Artie's mouth makes it hard to understand him or maybe it's Artie who doesn't understand? That would explain why he can argue that Jeremy Hinzman served in Afhganistan, so he can't be a CO! Actually he can be . . . even if he served in Afghanistan. But, for the record, Hinzman served in a non-combat role and that was due to his beliefs about war. It's not strange that Artie doesn't know US policies -- he is Canadian -- but he appears to feel it's just him and the US' Peggy Noons standing up for the red, white and blue. Maple left, Artie, remember the maple leaf.
The fact that Artie's launching a pre-emptive strike on a potential vote in Canada's Parliament (he says this month but most say the earliest a vote could come would be February) can be seen as good thing in that it demonstrates Artie thinks there's a good chance it will pass. But that's only if people make their voices heard. The Canadian Parliament has the power to let war resisters stay in Canada. Three e-mails addresses to focus on are: Prime Minister Stephen Harper (email@example.com -- that's pm at gc.ca) who is with the Conservative party and these two Liberals, Stephane Dion (Dion.S@parl.gc.ca -- that's Dion.S at parl.gc.ca) who is the leader of the Liberal Party and Maurizio Bevilacqua (Bevilacqua.M@parl.gc.ca -- that's Bevilacqua.M at parl.gc.ca) who is the Liberal Party's Critic for Citizenship and Immigration. A few more can be found here at War Resisters Support Campaign. For those in the US, Courage to Resist has an online form that's very easy to use. Both War Resisters Support Campaign and Courage to Resist are calling for actions from January 24-26.
There is a growing movement of resistance within the US military which includes James Stepp, Rodney Watson, Michael Espinal, Matthew Lowell, Derek Hess, Diedra Cobb, Brad McCall, Justin Cliburn, Timothy Richard, Robert Weiss, Phil McDowell, Steve Yoczik, Ross Spears, Peter Brown, Bethany "Skylar" James, Zamesha Dominique, Chrisopther Scott Magaoay, Jared Hood, James Burmeister, Eli Israel, Joshua Key, Ehren Watada, Terri Johnson, Carla Gomez, Luke Kamunen, Leif Kamunen, Leo Kamunen, Camilo Mejia, Kimberly Rivera, Dean Walcott, Linjamin Mull, Agustin Aguayo, Justin Colby, Marc Train, Abdullah Webster, Robert Zabala, Darrell Anderson, Kyle Snyder, Corey Glass, Jeremy Hinzman, Kevin Lee, Mark Wilkerson, Patrick Hart, Ricky Clousing, Ivan Brobeck, Aidan Delgado, Pablo Paredes, Carl Webb, Stephen Funk, Blake LeMoine, Clifton Hicks, David Sanders, Dan Felushko, Brandon Hughey, Clifford Cornell, Joshua Despain, Joshua Casteel, Katherine Jashinski, Dale Bartell, Chris Teske, Matt Lowell, Jimmy Massey, Chris Capps, Tim Richard, Hart Viges, Michael Blake, Christopher Mogwai, Christian Kjar, Kyle Huwer, Wilfredo Torres, Michael Sudbury, Ghanim Khalil, Vincent La Volpa, DeShawn Reed and Kevin Benderman. In total, at least fifty US war resisters in Canada have applied for asylum.
Information on war resistance within the military can be found at The Objector, The G.I. Rights Hotline [(877) 447-4487], Iraq Veterans Against the War and the War Resisters Support Campaign. Courage to Resist offers information on all public war resisters. Tom Joad maintains a list of known war resisters. In addition, VETWOW is an organization that assists those suffering from MST (Military Sexual Trauma).
Meanwhile IVAW is organizing a March 2008 DC event:
In 1971, over one hundred members of Vietnam Veterans Against the War gathered in Detroit to share their stories with America. Atrocities like the My Lai massacre had ignited popular opposition to the war, but political and military leaders insisted that such crimes were isolated exceptions. The members of VVAW knew differently.
Over three days in January, these soldiers testified on the systematic brutality they had seen visited upon the people of Vietnam. They called it the Winter Soldier investigation, after Thomas Paine's famous admonishing of the "summer soldier" who shirks his duty during difficult times. In a time of war and lies, the veterans who gathered in Detroit knew it was their duty to tell the truth.
Over thirty years later, we find ourselves faced with a new war. But the lies are the same. Once again, American troops are sinking into increasingly bloody occupations. Once again, war crimes in places like Haditha, Fallujah, and Abu Ghraib have turned the public against the war. Once again, politicians and generals are blaming "a few bad apples" instead of examining the military policies that have destroyed Iraq and Afghanistan.
Once again, our country needs Winter Soldiers.
In March of 2008, Iraq Veterans Against the War will gather in our nation's capital to break the silence and hold our leaders accountable for these wars. We hope you'll join us, because yours is a story that every American needs to hear.
Click here to sign a statement of support for Winter Soldier: Iraq & Afghanistan
March 13th through 16th are the dates for the Winter Soldier Iraq & Afghanistan Investigation.
Recapping since Monday's snapshot. Tuesday was January 1st and Solomon Moore and Stephen Farrell (New York Times) covered the glitterati of Baghdad, where, at the capital's two biggest hotels, "scores of perfumed and bare-headed Iraqi women" turned out for New Year's Eve. Robin Leach in the Green Zone. Baghdad Country Club, in fact, bills itself thusly: "In the world of chaos which is Baghdad there is an oasis of calm. If James Bond were to walk of the pages of a book; if Hemingway was again reporting on the world's troubles, they could probably both be found relaxing over a drink at the Baghdad Country Club. So if you happen to be in central Baghdad and know a person . . . " But remember: "No weapons are allowed in the club. The management is happy to secure any firearms, grenades, flash bangs or knives in the club armory." Maybe you're in the mood for Salmon with White Wine Caper Sauce? Or Chicken Crepe Riviera? Their wine list, sadly, is effected by "political and meterological climate" so the oldest vintage they offer on the list is a 1982 Chateau Lafitte Rothschild, 1er Grand Cru Classe. But if you're in the mood for port, they go back to 1955 with that. And just because the US is occupying the country doesn't mean that they can't offer Cuban cigars (Cohiba, Montecristo, Partagas and more). (The country club is inside the Green Zone, for any who didn't already get that.) Brian Bennett (Time magazine) reported on it last April and noted it opened in October of 2006. It was left to an Iraqi correspondent for McClatchy to explain the 'joys' weren't all that and what it's like to take away a balloon from a child for fear that it may contain poisonous gas.
RECOMMENDED: "Iraq snapshot"
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