12. MATT PISSES HIMSELF JUST BEFORE THE END AND TRIES TO LAP IT UP.
11. AFTER DEATH, SAGGY FURRY MAN BOOBS OF MATT DO NOT MELT AWAY AND IT'S NOTED JUST HOW GIRLY AND FEMININE MATT TAIBBI TRULY WAS.
10. UPON DEATH, MATT'S FACE FROZEN IN SICKENING SMILE, EYES WIDE OPEN AND CROOKED AND YELLOW TEETH EXPOSED LIKE A RABID DOG.
9. BEETLES EATING MATT'S DEAD BRAINS.
8. MATT DEPARTS EARTH STILL TRYING TO GET INTO KEITH OLBERMANN'S PANTS.
7. CAN'T MOVE. CAN'T REACH TINY PENIS.
6. CAN'T DO DRUGS. MATT'S NEEDS FIX BAD.
5. CAN'T SNIFF OWN ARM PIT IN COFFIN. DAMP AND STINKY ARM PIT ALWAYS REMINDED MATT OF KEITH OLBERMANN'S SMELL.
4. CAN'T GO ON "COUNTDOWN," DROP TO BENDED KNEE AND PROPOSE TO KEITH.
3. DOCTORS EXAMINING MATT'S BODY DISCOVER THAT MATT WAS NOT A WOMAN, NOT EVEN RACHEL MADDOW, BUT HE WAS INTERSEXED.
2. MATT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HORNY MIDDLE-AGED MEN THINK THEY CAN BUILD A JOURNALISM CAREER OUT OF DRAMA, BROMANCES AND MAN CRUSHES.
1. MATT'S ETERNAL LOVE FOR KEITH OLBERMANN AND HIS LACK OF REASONING AND LOGIC CAPABILITIES, LIKE HIS BODY, WILL NOT GO ON.
FROM THE TCI WIRE:
Today on The Diane Rehm Show (NPR) Frank Sesno filled in for Diane (who returns Monday) and he was joined for the second hour by Abderrahim Foukara (Al Jazeera), Anne Gearan (AP) and Thom Shanker (New York Times). When Iraq was briefly mentioned? Excerpt in full:
Frank Sesno: Go to some phone calls in just a minute but, Abderrahim, there's been a very noticeable upsurge in violence in Iraq in the past week. Tell us what happened at that Church in Baghdad?
Abderrahim Foukara: Well basically a lot of Iraqi Christians were held hostage at that Church and when the Iraqi security forces tried to free them, the carnage ensued basically and many of the hostages themselves were killed. Look, we're talking about failed states. Yemen, in a lot of books, is a failed state. Somolia is certainly a failed state. There is a theory which says Iraq is also a failed state. Don't know if a lot of people would agree with that. But it has been described before as a failed state with oil. Iraq is at an impasse. I think the way that it has been described to people in this country, it has been described as a country that has been brought under control. But the violence in recent days has shown us that in addition to having spent seven months after the election without a government. Iraq remains a powder keg. Now the question is what happens down the road when the US completes its withdrawal of its forces?
Frank Sesno: Thom Shanker, you call the Pentagon your office, that's your beat.
Thom Shanker: Right.
Frank Sesno: How is the US military viewing what is happening in Iraq? Both in terms of what's actually happening on the ground and the status of stability there and in terms of how it might effect the continued withdrawal of US forces?
Thom Shanker: I mean, that's certainly the essential question. Not just at the Pentagon but I spent a couple of days talking to commanders in Iraq -- they're on the ground, we're here. And to the very good point that was just made, what they are saying, it's much like our discussion what level of violence is acceptable? They still maintain that al Qaeda in Mesopotamia has been knocked back, it doesn't have centralized command and control, most importantly it doesn't hold territory as it did in '05 and '06 when Anbar was the seat of power, Falluja was the capital, they're not a cellular organization, now shattered, but still capable and always will be of violence. So the American plan, as it draws down from 50,000 to a lower number next year, the counter-terrorism troops will be the last to leave.
And that was it. Time for a break. Time to move on. Do you really think they addressed the Sunday attack on Iraqi Christians? No, they didn't. Did they mention that as Tuesdays funerals were ending, Baghdad was slammed with bombings which claimed more lives than Sunday's assault? No, they didn't. They didn't discuss a damn thing.
What a load of crap. First Thom's long run-on sentence? I've made it that because NYT guidelines demand that it be made into a single sentence to convey it's what the US military thinks. He forgets mid-stream that he's not the US military, that's he's supposed to be a reporter. When, earlier in the broadcast, he's outlining what the US government MUST spend on (defense), he's also in opinion territory and coming off like an advocate and not like a reporter which, according to NYT's written guidelines, he's forbidden from doing.
NYT has no guidelines on stupidity but they should make it a firing offense. Talking about a drawdown and a withdrawal without noting what was stated at the State Dept briefing October 25th? That sort of ignorance should result in termination. But it's not ignorance, it's a wilful desire not to address the topic. You can refer to that day's "Iraq snapshot" and you can click here and go to the State Dept briefing. (You also have video on that link.) It's not that the press doesn't know what was said -- they were present, they asked the questions -- it's that they're not telling you what was said. Big difference.
If you're wondering where Anne was during the conversation, when Thom wasn't attacking her remarks (with his opinions hidden as facts), she wasn't allowed to speak for whole sections. It was rather sad, there was less sexism in the 1950s than what got exhibited on today's Diane Rehm Show. Thom would go on -- after a person called in -- to offer a single sentence on Sahwa which was so simplistic it was a falsehood and it's amazing he got away with that crap.
And tomorrow we might not be together
I'm no prophet and I don't know natures way
But I'll try to see into your eyes right now
And stay right here
'Cause these are the good old days
-- "Anticipation," written by Carly Simon, first appears on her Anticipation album
Carly has often noted that she's more of a reporter in her lyrics -- for one example, see Stephen Holden's 1981 Rolling Stone cover story on Carly. She may have to change that self-description -- not because reporters are becoming more like poets, but because they're becoming so much less than reporters -- and we're not just talking about Thom Shanker. From this morning's second entry, word for word.
Wednesday's snapshot included: "Suadad al-Salhy (Reuters) notes that Iraq's Parliament is currently set to meet on Monday -- that may or may not take place (court order not withstanding) -- and that it's possilbe a motion could be put forward favoring Nouri. Should that be attempted, it's equally possible that enough members could storm out of the session leaving the Parliament without a quorum." Quorum is in the news today. No, that's not being psychic, it's just paying attention and anyone can do it. Middle East Online informs today, "As a result, MPs are scheduled to convene on Monday to elect a speaker and two deputies, the first step toward forming a government. But with about 50 MPs on pilgrimage to Islam's holiest sites in Mecca, western Saudi Arabi, and other political groups unwilling to attend, it is unlikely to reach a quorum. The constitution stipulates that a speaker, president and prime minister must be elected in that order." Again, anyone should have known that it is possible -- especially after the strong arming required repeatedly in the last Parliament to reach a quorum -- that Monday's session may or may not go forward. There's reporting and there's predicting -- they are not the same thing.
Test, when Suadad al-Salhy (Reuters) writes this:
Iraq's parliament elects a new speaker on Monday, eight months after an inconclusive election, in a move that could force Sunni forces to join a Shi'ite-Kurd alliance in a national unity government or risk falling apart.
is that reporting? No, it's predicting. Reuters does not know what's going to happen Monday. A new Speaker might be elected. Or Parliament might not reach a quorum. Or an earthquake could strike Baghdad. Or anything in the world can happen. Stating things will happen when they haven't yet is not, is never, reporting.
Test, when Suadad al-Salhy (Reuters) writes this:
Iraq's parliament elects a new speaker on Monday, eight months after an inconclusive election, in a move that could force Sunni forces to join a Shi'ite-Kurd alliance in a national unity government or risk falling apart.
is that reporting? No, it's predicting. Reuters does not know what's going to happen Monday. A new Speaker might be elected. Or Parliament might not reach a quorum. Or an earthquake could strike Baghdad. Or anything in the world can happen. Stating things will happen when they haven't yet is not, is never, reporting.
"I'm no prophet and I don't know nature's ways," as Carly sings. But I do know that which has not happened can never be reported as "will happen" because that's prophecy, not reporting. Since we made the above points this morning, that little thing called life has seen fit to give us some classroom teaching devices.
Caroline Alexander (Bloomberg News) reports -- yes, we can use the term accurately to describe what she does in this sentence -- on the latest developments, "The convening of Iraq's parliament was postponed as the country's political leaders failed to reach an agreement to form a new coalition that would eliminate an eight-month power vacuum." CNN reports (term used intentionally), "Kurdish lawmaker Mahmood Othman told CNN that a vote for a parliamentary speaker was postponed from Monday to Thursday so lawmakers can review a plan from Kurdish politicians to help jump-start government formation. Othman did not disclose any details of the Kurdish proposal." The Kurdish proposal? No one knows what it is. But friends at the State Dept say the Kurds have been making comments to the US State Dept all this week about being king makers and noting that they hold the seats to make either Iraqiya or State of Law the rulers. They appear to be, as one friend at the State Dept put it -- only cleaned up (use imaginations and you'll grasp what I cleaned easily), in a size match with Moqtada al-Sadr whom they still take offense to being hailed as a "king-maker" during parts ot the long stalemate. Which way will they go? No one really knows and, supposedly, they're having private meetings with people from Nouri's slate and from Allawi's slate as they attempt to determine who can offer the Kurds the best deal.
"The Iraqi parliament has held exactly one official session since the March 7th elections," Kelly McEvers observed on yesterday's All Things Considered (NPR, link has audio and text). "That session lasted 17 minutes. Since then, politicians can be seen at parliament from time to time, but those are mostly meetings about meetings." The Wichita Falls Times Record News' editorial board offers, "If you're looking for a job with great pay and perks and light duties -- none at all, in fact, since June -- you could do worse than be one of the 325 members of Iraq's parliament." Ammar Karim (AFP) quotes an unnamed MP 'jesting,' "All of the oil incomes is going into the parliament." It's doubtful the average Iraqi will laugh at that statement coming from an MP. Middle East Online notes the efforts of the Iraqi Civilian Initiative to Protect the Constitution to force the newly elected MPs to return their salaries. AP notes, "An Iraqi lawmaker's basic monthly salary is $10,000, just $4,500 short of that of rank-and-file members of the US Congress. In addition, Iraqi MPs get a $12,500 monthly allowance for housing and security arrangements, for a combined total of $22,500." And use the link for more because they provide a breakdown of tax breaks, per diems, pensions and more that the MPs receive. Meanwhile Charles McDermid and Nizar Latif (Time magazine) quote MP Aliya Nsayif on this week's violence, "Just a few weeks ago, the government said security was under control, but it doesn't look that way to me. It looks to me and to the public like politicians have abandoned their promises to protect the Iraqi people."
March 7th, Iraq concluded Parliamentary elections. The Guardian's editorial board noted in August, "These elections were hailed prematurely by Mr Obama as a success, but everything that has happened since has surely doused that optimism in a cold shower of reality." 163 seats are needed to form the executive government (prime minister and council of ministers). When no single slate wins 163 seats (or possibly higher -- 163 is the number today but the Parliament added seats this election and, in four more years, they may add more which could increase the number of seats needed to form the executive government), power-sharing coalitions must be formed with other slates, parties and/or individual candidates. (Eight Parliament seats were awarded, for example, to minority candidates who represent various religious minorities in Iraq.) Ayad Allawi is the head of Iraqiya which won 91 seats in the Parliament making it the biggest seat holder. Second place went to State Of Law which Nouri al-Maliki, the current prime minister, heads. They won 89 seats. Nouri made a big show of lodging complaints and issuing allegations to distract and delay the certification of the initial results while he formed a power-sharing coalition with third place winner Iraqi National Alliance -- this coalition still does not give them 163 seats. They are claiming they have the right to form the government. In 2005, Iraq took four months and seven days to pick a prime minister. It's seven months and twenty-nine days and still counting.
March 7th, Iraq concluded Parliamentary elections. The Guardian's editorial board noted in August, "These elections were hailed prematurely by Mr Obama as a success, but everything that has happened since has surely doused that optimism in a cold shower of reality." 163 seats are needed to form the executive government (prime minister and council of ministers). When no single slate wins 163 seats (or possibly higher -- 163 is the number today but the Parliament added seats this election and, in four more years, they may add more which could increase the number of seats needed to form the executive government), power-sharing coalitions must be formed with other slates, parties and/or individual candidates. (Eight Parliament seats were awarded, for example, to minority candidates who represent various religious minorities in Iraq.) Ayad Allawi is the head of Iraqiya which won 91 seats in the Parliament making it the biggest seat holder. Second place went to State Of Law which Nouri al-Maliki, the current prime minister, heads. They won 89 seats. Nouri made a big show of lodging complaints and issuing allegations to distract and delay the certification of the initial results while he formed a power-sharing coalition with third place winner Iraqi National Alliance -- this coalition still does not give them 163 seats. They are claiming they have the right to form the government. In 2005, Iraq took four months and seven days to pick a prime minister. It's seven months and twenty-nine days and still counting.
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