Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The easily fooled Bully (humor)

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.

THIS MORNING, THESE REPORTERS WERE CALLED BY CONDI RICE WHO ASKED IF WE COULD MEET WITH THE BULLY BOY THIS AFTERNOON? IT WAS "SOMETHING THAT MAGS [MARGARET SPELLINGS, SECRETARY OF EDUCATION AND WORLD RENOWNED PRACTICAL JOKER] HAS BEEN WORKING ON."

ASSUMING IT MIGHT POTENTIALLY BE HUMOROUS, WE QUICKLY AGREED.

MUST CREDIT BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX!

BACKGROUND:


ON MAY 27, 1968, "12 DAYS AWAY FROM LOSING HIS STUDENT DEFERMENT FROM THE DRAFT AT A TIME WHEN AMERICANS WERE DYING IN A COMBAT AT THE RATE OF 350 A WEEK," THE BULLY BOY DECIDED HE FELT LIKE JOINING THE TEXAS AIR NATIONAL GUARD AND, NOT ONLY DID HE SIGN UP THAT DAY, HE GOT ACCEPTED AND SWORN IN!

SURELY SCORING 25% ON THE TEST ("THE LOWEST ACCEPTABLE GRADE") MADE THE AIR GUARD DECIDE, "SCREW ALL THESE MORE QUALIFIED PEOPLE WAITING TO SIGN UP, THIS IDIOT IS JUST THE IDIOT WE'RE LOOKING FOR!"

RIGHT?

WRONG. POPPY BUSH, FATHER OF THE BULLY, PUBLICLY SUPPORTED THE WAR IN REMARKS AND IN THE U.S. CONGRESS. BUT WHEN IT CAME TO BABY BULLY BOY, POPPY WAS BOUND AND DETERMINED THAT ONE OF HIS CHILDREN WOULDN'T BE CANON FODDER.

POPPY TALKED A BIG TALK WITH JIM LEHRER ABOUT HIS SUPPORT FOR THOSE FIGHTING IN VIETNAM 'BACK IN THE DAY,' BUT HE WASN'T ABOUT TO SEND HIS OWN SON OVER THERE AND YOU KNOW BULLY BOY WASN'T GOING.

SO THEY DID IT THE WAY THE BUSH FAMILY DOES EVERYTHING, THE SNEAKY COWARDS WAY.

UNLIKE TODAY'S WAR RESISTERS OR THE WAR RESISTERS DURING VIETNAM, BULLY BOY DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS TO SAY "I AM AGAINST THE WAR." HE JUST RAN TO HIS WAR HAWK DADDY AND BLUBBERED, "SAVE ME, DADDY! SAVE ME!"


AFTER POPPY FINISHED NURSING BULLY BOY AND AFTER POPPY BUTTONED UP HIS BLOUSE, THEY MADE SOME CALLS AND BINGO-PRESTO! BULLY BOY'S IN THE TEXAS AIR NATIONAL GUARD.

BUT HE DID NOT SERVE AND HE DID NOT COMPLETE HIS SO-CALLED DUTY.

THEN ON JUNE 21, 2006, THE MAN WHO STARTED AN ILLEGAL WAR MADE A SURPRISING ANNOUNCEMENT: HE WOULD BE GOING TO VIETNAM THE NEXT YEAR!

AND THOUGH 2006 IS NEARLY OVER, BULLY BOY IS AT LAST KEEPING A PROMISE!

HE WILL SHIP OUT TO VIETNAM TONIGHT.

MUST CREDIT BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX!

IN AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW, BULLY BOY SHARED SOME THOUGHTS WITH THESE REPORTERS. HE APPROACHED US WITH A SMILE WHICH WE THOUGHT INDICATED THAT HE WAS IN ON THE JOKE.


"I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS," BULLY BOY CONFESSED. "I'VE NEVER BEEN IN COMBAT BEFORE EXCEPT WHEN I WAS CARRYING AROUND A PLASTIC TURKEY. DICK [CHENEY] THOUGHT THAT UP. LAURA SAYS HE WAS MAKING FUN OF ME. I GO, 'LAURA, NO ONE CALLS PEOPLE "TURKEY" ANY MORE. THAT'S AS OLD AS YOUR POT HABIT.' "

WITH A TEAR IN HIS EYE, HE SHARED THAT HE HAD BEEN ROUGH ON LAURA "ABOUT THE TOKES, THE DIME BAGS AND THE BONGS BUT NOW I'M HOPING SHE'LL SEND ME A 'CARE PACKAGE' WHILE I'M STATIONED THERE. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN -- 'CARE PACKAGE.' GET IT?"

NOTING THAT HIS HANDS WERE SHAKING, THESE REPORTERS ASKED HIM HOW NERVOUS HE WAS?


"THIS AIN'T NERVES!" SHOUTED BULLY BOY. "THIS IS COMMITTMENT! THIS IS PASSION! AND I ALWAYS PISS MYSELF WHEN I'M GETTING READY TO GO INTO BATTLE. HELPS ME FOCUS!"

HOW HAD HE PREPARED FOR HIS TRIP?

"A LITTLE F-TROOP. A LITTLE MCHALES' NAVY. A LITTLE SOMETHING MY DAUGHTER JENNA SCRAPED OFF HER SHOE AFTER A NIGHT OF CLUBBING. LOOKED JUST LIKE A CERTS BUT IT PACKED A WALLOP. WOAH DOGGIES! FIRED ME UP! READY GO GET SOME KILLS NOW! YEE-HAW!"

AS THE CONVERSATION CONTINUED IN THIS DIRECTION FOR ANOTHER THIRTY MINUTES, THESE REPORTERS STOPPED BELIEVING THAT THE BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES WAS PULLING A PRANK ON THESE REPORTERS.


HE DID KNOW, WE ASKED, WHAT WAS GOING ON IN VIETNAM TODAY?


"OH YEAH, DICK SHOWED ME. THAT ROCKER JUDY COLLINS IS STAGING A BENEFIT FOR THE VIETNAMESE. COMMIE LOVER. WELL SHE CAN THANK THE BRAVE MEN LIKE ME FOR PROTECTING HER AND THE WORLD FROM COMMUNISM. IT'S 'THE CHECKERS THEORY.' IF WE DON'T TAKE A STAND IN VIETNAM, ALL OF ASIA WILL LOOK LIKE A CHECKER BOARD."


WE ADVISED HIM THAT WE WERE PRETTY SURE HE MEANT "THE DOMINIO THEORY." WE FURTHER ADVISED THAT THE VIETNAM WAR ENDED IN DECADES AGO.

"NO, IT DIDN'T. DICK EXPLAINED IT TO ME. MY DRAFT NUMBER GOT CALLED AND SINCE THE TWINS ARE DRINKING AGE, I GOT NO MORE DEFERMENTS LEFT."

OFF TO THE SIDE, WE SAW DICK CHENEY, VICE PRESIDENT, CONDI RICE, SECRETARY OF STATE, AND MARGARET SPELLINGS, SECRETARY OF EDUCATION, SLAPPING ONE ANOTHER ON THE BACKS AS THEY BURST INTO GIGGLING FITS.

"DICK SAYS COMBAT WILL MAKE A MAN OUT OF ME," BULLY BOY EXPLAINED STAMPING HIS FOOT.

AND THAT'S HOW THESE REPORTERS LEFT HIM. BULLY BOY STANDING OUTSIDE AIR FORCE ONE, CONVINCED HE WAS HEADED OFF TO VIETNAM TO FIGHT A WAR, HIS CABINET OFF TO THE SIDE, LAUGHING AT HIM.


FROM THE TCI WIRE:

Starting with KPFA's Flashpoints on Monday, Nora Barrows Friedman interviewed activist, journalist, author and vet Mike Ferner.Nora Barrows Friedman: Mike, as a veteran, what can you say about the growing momentum of combat of soldiers who are starting to organize and are refusing to serve, refusing to go to Iraq and fight Bush's illegal war? Mike Ferner: "I think it's one of the best developments we've seen happen. I hope it increases exponentially. And I hope hundreds and hundreds of soldiers will take a look at their comrades who are doing this and say: 'That's something I should seriously think about.' I hope that we get large numbers of these soldiers just plain refusing to be deployed. If they're thinking about doing it, they need to call the G.I. Rights Hotline [(800) 394-9544; outside the US, (510) 465-1472 -- additional numbers are at the site], the need to seriously considering doing it prior to being deployed because once you're there [Iraq] it's far more difficult. But I would love to see whole companies and battalions of people just sit down and refuse to board that plane to be taken back to Iraq. I got out of the Navy as a Const. Objector during the Vietnam war and at some point you just have to look into your heart and ask can i continue to do this and can I live with myself given the culpability that I'm going to have given that I'm following the orders of a government engaged in an illegal war."War resisters? Has independent media bothered to note, forget cover, that Ehren Watada will be court-martialed? No. D.D. Delaney (Port Folio Weekly) reports that Watada is facing up to "eight-and-a-half years in prison for the charges the Army has brought" against him. Meanwhile another war resister, Mark Wilkerson, who awaits word on what the military intends to do with his case, notes e.e. cummings' "I Sing of Olaf Glad and Big" -- a poem about a man "whose warmest heart recoiled at war; a conscientiour object-or". Wilkerson served one tour in Iraq and then applied for conscientious objector status only to see that denied. Following the denial, Wilkerson self-checked out for a year-and-a-half before announcing August 31st that he was turning himself in. As Wilkerson toldDennis Bernstein on KPFA's Flashpoints August 31st, when his c.o. status was denied, he at first prepared a rebuttal but was told it would be shelved until he returned from his second deployment to Iraq. In an echo of Mike Lerner's comments yesterday, Wilkerson told Bernstein August 31st, "I completely stand by my decision. For me this was a time in my life when I decided I had to make a stand regardless of whether [it meant] prison or death".While many avert their eyes, the war drags on. Today in Baghdad, another mass kidnapping -- the sheer number of those kidnapped may generate some interest. Most press estimates agree to at least 100 and many go with 150. (Christopher Bodeen of AP goes with 130 based upon a later statement by the Health Education Ministry.) CBS and AP note: "CBS News correspondent Elizabeth Palmer reports . . . that about 80 men in some kind of Iraqi police uniforms surrounded the Iraqi Ministry of Higher Education building in broad daylight and then fanned out inside the building, according to witnesses. The abductors then led the men and women captives out of the building to waiting pickup trucks and left the area, all before the real Iraqi police showed up." Pedistrians outside were encourage to clear the streets, inside the four story building, women and men were separated with the women locked in a room and only the men apparently kidnapped by people claiming to be with the Iraq Public Integrity Commission (which does not exist). What appears to be blood was noted on the floor of an entryway, phone receivers were ripped from phones, ashtrays knocked over. CNN reports that a witness "saw the gunmen check identity cards, pick out Sunni employees, including a man 'who was just delivering tea'." Sam Knight (Times of London) reports that the kidnappers used "around 40 new camouflaged pick-up vehicles" and "[a]round 80 gunmen dressed as police commandos" were involved. Whether or not they were part of the Iraqi police force has not been established.



Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"
"Mass kidnapping in Iraq (again)"
"Other Items"
"Jeanne 'Linda' Michel, Gregg Mitchell, Chip Pitts"
"flashpoints and more"
"Grab bag (Betty)"
"Rumsfled -- even his friends think he's nuts!"
"THIS JUST IN! MARTINEZ IS IN!"
"Melquiades"

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