Rumsfled sits for an exclusive (humor)

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.

ROBERT GATES IS THE SECOND WIFE!

THE TROPHY WIFE!

I WAS USED LIKE A TUBE SOCK AND WHEN I COULDN'T STAND UP ABOVE HIS ANKLES ANYMORE HE HURLED ME INTO THE TRASH!

SO SAYS THE SOON TO BE FORMER SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD IN AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW GRANTED WITH THESE REPORTERS ON THE CONDITION THAT (A) WE PAY THE BAR TAB AND (B) WE GRASP THAT WHEN HE SOBERS UP HE MAY DENY IT ALL.

MUST CREDIT BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX.

OVER OATMEAL STOUT, SECRETARY RUMSFELD REMEMBERED THE GOOD TIMES.

"SERVING UNDER DICK. YOU COULD LOOK UP TO DICK. YOU COULD FEEL DICK. DICK WAS JUST OUT THERE. JUST PUT IT OUT THERE," THE DONALD SAID, SLAPPING THE TABLE EMPHATICALLY AND ATTRACTING STRANGE GLANCES.

"DICK NIXON, GOT ME," HE EXPLAINED. "HE SAID I WAS 'TOUGH ENOUGH' AND A 'RUTHLESS LITTLE BASTARD.' I DON'T MEAN TO WUSS OUT ON YOU GUYS BUT I ALWAYS TEAR UP WHEN I REMEMBER THAT. DICK GOT ME. THOSE WERE GOOD TIMES.

HE SPOKE FONDLY OF THE DAYS OF SWINE FLU, CHATTING WITH SADDAM HUSEIN ("HE'S MUCH TALLER IN PERSON!"), AND STARTING PNAC.

ON THE LATER, IN HIS CUPS, HE WONDERED, "WE JUST WANTED TO DOMINATE THE WORLD AND CONTROL EVERYTHING? IS THAT SO BAD?"

POSSIBLY AFRAID WE WOULD SKIP OUT ON THE BAR TAB, THE WAY HE SWEARS AL HAIG ALWAYS USED TO, SECRETARY RUMSFELD DUCKED AWAY TO "VISIT THE HEAD" AND MOMENTS LATER WE SAW HIM STROLLING DOWN SEVENTH STREET.

FROM THE TCI WIRE:

Today, Trina received an e-mail from the family of a war resister which only underscored to Trina how "hideous" the lack of coverage on this issue is. Trina: "If you believe the war is wrong and needs to end, then you need to cover those who are saying 'NO!' loudly and clearly. The fact that most independent magazines -- even at their own websistes -- can't is beyond disappointing. People standing up need support and their stories need to be told."
US war resisters that should have been in the news in the last two weeks include Kyle Snyder, Joshua Key and Ivan Brobeck. Kyle Snyder returned to the US Tuesday October 31st to turn himself in at Fort Knox after self-checking out and going to Canada. The agreement between Synder's attorney and the military was trashed after the US military had Synder in custody. Snyder self-checked out again. Joshua Key was denied refugee status by the Canadian government this week. Ivan Brobeck returned to the US from Canada this week, on election day, and turned himself in. These stories have garnered very little interest by independent media. Brobeck's return has hardly been noted. (Hurt feelings over the fact that Nora Barrows Friedman got the exclusive interview with Brobeck?) The verdict in Key's case has been noted even less. It's not cutting it and independent media (print and audio) needs to stop kidding themselves that it is. It's shameful.
Information on war resistance within the military can be found at Center on Conscience & War, The Objector, The G.I. Rights Hotline, and the War Resisters Support Campaign. Courage to Resist offers information on all public war resisters. Appeal for Redress is collecting signatures of active duty service members calling on Congress to bring the troops home.
Ivan Brobeck, Kyle Snyder and Joshua Key are part of a movement of war resistance within the US military that also includes Darrell Anderson, Ricky Clousing, Mark Wilkerson, Ehren Watada, Camilo Meija, Pablo Paredes, Carl Webb, Stephen Funk, David Sanders, Dan Felushko, Brandon Hughey, Jeremy Hinzman, Corey Glass, Patrick Hart, Clifford Cornell, Agustin Aguayo, Joshua Despain, Katherine Jashinski, and Kevin Benderman. Their stories do matter. It's only the coverage that is lacking.
Which gets to a point Anthony Arnove made on yesterday's Flashpoints regarding the importance of knowing our history and how much energy is expanded to rob people of their history. History is all around -- it's just not getting the coverage. Arrnove and Alice Walker, both guests on yesterday's Flashpoints will be among those bringing history to life via a reading of Howard Zinn and Arnove's Voices of a People's History of the United States tonight (7:30 p.m.) at the Berkeley Community Theatre (1930 Allston Way) and along with Walker and Arnove, other participants will also include Mos Def, Steve Earle and Zinn himself.

Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"
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"Rumsfled, cakewalk it out of here (humor)"