Friday, September 22, 2006

The new Wacko Jacko (humor)

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.

THIS JUST IN!

WACKY ALPHONSO JACKSON MAKES UP HIS OWN RULES!

ON THE TAX PAYER'S DIME!

HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT HEAD ALPHONSO JACKSON MADE WAVES IN MAY OF THIS YEAR CLAIMING HE DENIED A GOVERNMENT CONTRACT WHEN HE LEARNED THE CONTRACTOR HAD NOT VOTED FOR THE BULLY BOY.

UPON THE CONTRACTOR'S ADMISSION, ACCORDING TO JACKSON, "HE DIDN'T GET THE CONTRACT. WHY SHOULD I REWARD SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T LIKE THE PRESIDENT, SO THEY CAN USE FUNDS TO TRY TO CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE PRESIDENT? LOGIC SAYS THEY DON'T THE CONTRACT. THAT'S THE WAY I BELIEVE."

YES, BUT THE WAY TAX PAYER MONEY WORKS IS THAT YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO POLITICALLY DISCRIMINATE. JACKO DID GRASP THAT THE MONEY WAS THE U.S. TAX PAYERS AND NOT THE BULLY BOY'S TRUST FUND, RIGHT?

WACKO JACKO MANAGED TO DOGE THE BULLET THERE BUT HE'S BACK!

NOW THE CRIMINAL INVESTIGATIONS DIVISION OF HUD'S OFFICE OF INSPECTOR GENERAL HAS RELEASED A 340 PAGE REPORT THAT FINDS WACKO JACKO "URGED STAFF MEMBERS TO FAVOR FRIENDS OF PRESIDENT BUSH WHEN AWARDING DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT CONTRACTS. . . . HIS CHIEF OF STAFF TOLD INVESTIGATORS THAT JACKSON, THE HUD SECRETARY, 'PERSONALLY INTERVENED WITH CONTRACTORS WHOME HE DID NOT LIKE . . . THESE CONTRACTORS HAD DEMOCRATIC POLITICAL AFFILIATIONS."

LOGIC SAYS WACKO JACKO GETS HIS ASS CANNED.


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The Bully Boy Book Club (humor)

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.

THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY & FRIENDS HELP MUSHARRAF PLUG BOOK!

WHEN THE HEADS OF TWO NATIONS MEET, IT CAN BE SERIOUS OR IT CAN
BE A CHANCE TO HAWK YOUR WARES WHICH IS JUST WHAT PAKISTAN'S PRESIDENT PERVEZ MUSHARRAF DID IN THE ROSE GARDEN TODAY WITH BULLY BOY BESIDE HIM DOING HIS BEST OPRAH.

NEXT UP IN THE BULLY BOY READING CLUB, MUAMMAR AL-QADDAFI'S AUTOBIOGRPAHY I DID IT FOR THE LOVE.

TO GIVE THE WHOLE THING EVEN MORE OF A SPLASH OF "PAGE SIX," D.C.'S PROFESSIONAL GOSSIP SHOWED UP ON CNN TO OFFER THAT MUSHARRAF WAS LYING. DUE TO ARMITAGE'S REPUTATION, NO ONE BELIEVED HIM.

THAT WASN'T HIS REPUTATION FOR TRUTH TELLING -- WHICH HAS BEEN IN TATTERS FOR YEARS. IT WAS HIS REPUTATION AS A PRESS HOG THAT'S SO DESPERATE FOR INK HE'D GLADLY ATTEND THE OPENING OF A JAW.


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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The God Wars (humor)

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- GRANTHAM, PA.

THIS JUST IN!

MORE GODLY THAN THOU!

CAMPAINGING FOR 'MOST NEXT TO GODLINESS,' RICK SANTORUM AND BOB CASEY JUNIOR TACKLE THE REALLY IMPORTANT ISSUES THAT THE U.S. CONGRESS CAN ADDRESS.

IT A BATTLE OF THE CATHOLICS, AS CASEY JUNIOR TALKS ABOUT HIS MISSIONARY WORK AND SANTORUM TALKS ABOUT HIS LOVE FOR ALL OF GOD'S CREATURES (ESPECIALLY DOGS).

NEXT WEEK, SANTORUM WILL ANNOUNCE THAT JESUS HAS ENDORSED HIM AND CASEY JUNIOR WILL TOP IT BY NOTING THAT GOD ENDORSED THE CASEY CAMPAIGN.

"JESUS," EXPLAINED A CASEY STAFFER, "IS A LOVELY MAN TO BE SURE; HOWEVER, HE IS UNMARRIED, HE TRAVELS WITH A LOT OF MEN AND IT JUST LACKS THE KIND OF WEIGHT THAT THE LORD GOD HAS. REMEMBER THE LORD GOD IS A FAMILY MAN, HE'S JESUS' FATHER. WE ARE QUITE CONFIDENT THAT ALTHOUGH MORE PEOPLE KNOW JESUS' FACE, THEY REALLY PUT A LOT OF WEIGHT BEHIND THE WORD OF GOD."



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Monday, September 18, 2006

Bully Boy ties belief in democracy to literacy

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- NYC.

THIS JUST IN!

AT LAST AN ANSWER!

SPEAKING IN NEW YORK CITY TODAY, THE BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES DECLARED, "YOU CAN'T REALIZE THE BLESSINGS OF LIBERTY IF YOU CAN'T READ A BALLOT, OR IF YOU CAN'T READ WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING ABOUT THE FUTURE OF YOUR COUNTRY."

IT IS THOUGHT THAT BULLY BOY'S ATTEMPTS TO TIE LITERACY INTO DEMOCRACY WAS AN ATTEMPT ON HIS PART OF LAYING DOWN A DEFENSE SHOULD HE BE CHARGED WITH WAR CRIMES FOR THE ILLEGAL WAR IN IRAQ.

IT WAS ALSO NOTED THAT POSSIBLY LAURA BUSH WASN'T THE BEST PERSON TO HEAD THE GLOBAL LITERACY CONFERENCE.

SAID SECRETARY OF STATE CONDI RICE, "DID YOU SEE STANLEY & IRIS? JANE FONDA TAUGHT ROBERT DENIRO TO READ IN LESS THAN 2 HOURS. LAST LADY LAURA'S HAD WHAT, 30, 40? 60? YEARS NOW TO TEACH BULLY BOY HOW TO READ AND HE STILL CAN'T."

WHEN THESE REPORTERS CORRECTED SECRETARY RICE THAT BULLY BOY AND LAURA BUSH WILL HAVE BEEN MARRIED 29 YEARS IN NOVEMBER, SECRETARY RICE RESPONDED, "BITTER? NO, I'M NOT BITTER. IF HE WANTS TO STAY WITH TIRED & OLD, HAVE AT IT. IF HE DOESN'T KNOW A FRESH FREAK WHEN HE SEES IT, HIS LOSS."



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